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havent posted in awhile

wow its been awhile... me and matt worked through all that and are still together , recently i found he was texting other girls again she says he was saying how good it was gonna be when he got his house and put my ring on her finger and he says he was asking her for advise on how 2 keep me cause we were falling apart and she was an old friend.... reguarless we worked through it but while we were broken up cause of this for about 2 weeks he said some fucked up shit to me and i save all the texts i cant help but read them and not let it go.... i dont know what to do or say about any of it? and he acts so different now... and we rencenly moved 6 hours from where i am from where all my friends and family are... everything seems to be slowly falling apart and i cant catch a grib.... 
 sorry this is so depressing and mess but its whats going on

for the day


Matt left to go 2 the hostpital 2 get help not 2 long ago, i had a huge weight lifted off my shoulders once he told me he was coming back 2 me and he loved me more than anything i already knew the loveing part but the other part helped alot, im fealin with it fine other than accept im alone here 4 awhile. but thank god my sister and her husband n such live out here cause they are coming 2 get me n my pup in a few min to take us 2 stay at their house 4 the night and my brother in law  will be in college most of the day and night but i can spend time with my niece and sister which will i think help me cope with everything. everyone is worried cause depression runs easily and bad through our whole family on both my parents sides but i feel ok for now he is callin me right as he is pullin in and then will call me when he can in there and he wants me 2 come see him when he is stable. gahh i hope it isnt long and i hope he gets out super soon. but well im off 2 my sisters! still praying !!!!

this morning


So i woke up at 3 to matt calling me, and woke up at 530 to get up for the day, he just came by at 7:40ish and everything was great! he is still going 2 that place today but came by and told me he loved me and his mom wanted 2 go 2 breakfast just him and her even though she talked 2 him like all day yesterday about everything. i kinda wanted 2 spend atleast a little more time with him but i figured his mom would ruin that, but i just went with so i didnt stress him anymore than he is. he swore on his lfe he is coming back home 2 me when he gets out, and this morning he just walked in hugged me and held me... and we just kissed for awhile then he told me he was gonna come back by before he left once his mom left to hold me somemore =) :D
but last night i made the statement it sucks you wont be home for valentines day and he said i might be hopefully i wont be in there long and that gives me alot of hope =Di cant wait for him 2 come back by and see whats said. ill prolly go take marley 2 my sisters after that to just keep my mind off being alone for awhile, but atleast i know he is coming back 2 me now!! and he wants me 2 come vist him with his mom and hes gonna be calling me so hopefully he'll get in and get out fast and it wont be as long or as bad as it sounds now!!

he felt me


so everything was good until bout noon then matt freaked and left me, tellin me he couldnt handle this and or a relationship! so now he left and went to his mothers, yet he told me he loved me and wanted me 2 wear his ring and wait for him. im so hurt and confused i love him with all heart..but hes gone back and forth since friday about him wanting to be with me and then not knowing but hes gone now so i wont know anything until he calls me prolly weeks from know so im just on hold and sereverly falling into depression....

add me

Im sorta new at this i heard bout this site all through high school and im going through a rough patch in life so i figured what the heck!!
 

im 18 ill be 19 in may.

im easy to talk to, im curious,and love helping people talk through situations, im not in college i made alot of mistakes in my childhood i quit highschool and went through alot, i now am tryin 2 get back to my education to get my degree in Counseling/Clinical Psychology, im currently engaged to the love of my life, he makes me feel amazing but we are going through some hard times but hes my world!!  i dont know hardly anyone besides my sister in greenville. im useally on here,facebook,myspace,aim or my celluar so talk 2 me =)

Matt Tolley My fiance

Matt Tolley and I have been together since october 2007, we are still going strong, weve been through so much i couldnt imagine my life without him now, we have a puppy who is like our son! weve spent the last nine months together in our first apartment 24/7, hes a part of me not just with me, hes my love,my soul, the reason i get up in the morning, i was being so stupid when i wasnt with him. i was drinking way over my body wieght i was doing drugs having dumbass hook ups, it was ridicilous. Me and Matt now have to take a break from each other and i know this is only gonna make us stronger like ever before. the only hard part will be being away from you matt, i love you so much and i dont know how to go on without you being there everyday im sure ill make it through as long as you come back 2 me. ill wait forever if i have to as long as i know you love me and still wanna be with me. Baby when i said forever its what i meant!

the break


me and matt have been engaged since june and he is bipolar,adhd,add,ocd,odd, he has been off his medicine so long hes always depressed and now hes going away to get help while i go 2 my parents house to wait 4 him, ill be talkin 2 him when we can and visting him asap, its so hard though when weve been together 24/7 for nine months, i love him with all my heart and will wait as long as i have 2,  i promised him id be faithful and his forever and i mean that. im just worried something will happen and he will come out a total different person and not want 2 be with me or have this relatioship ive poured everything into. i hope im just being a worry wort cause i sometimes think the worst but we will see.

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